he thought i was a dude.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
