I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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