My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Randomize
