Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
