If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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