I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
