wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
