Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
