My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
