I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
