we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
