ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
