She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
