Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
