and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
