Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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