the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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