My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
smell my finger.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
