I just threw up on my dentist
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
