There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
