He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
