Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
