Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
