I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
