the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
