i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
