You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Randomize
