there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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