It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
