well I can't set my house on fire every night
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
