I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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