Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
