At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
