I just pynch a tree in the face
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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