im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
