I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
BRING THE BAGELS
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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