I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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