saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
