She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I just gift wrapped bread.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
