hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
