i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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