You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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