so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
this will be a night to untag.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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