I feel like abortions should bother me more
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Less talking, more tequila
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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