Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
