Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
