Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
how can u be prego again
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
