if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
