I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
