Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
