after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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