I'd wear matching sweaters with you
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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