One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
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