Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
