I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
